What is "The Self"?
“The first half of life is devoted to forming a healthy ego, the second half is going inward and letting go of it.” - Carl Jung
I’m going to start by asking you a series of questions, and I want you to truly pause and consider the answers:
1. Who are you?
Great. Now ask yourself the question again, and this time, you CANNOT respond with an identity (i.e. “I’m a human / mom / daughter / sister / accountant / author / gay / straight / white / black / Asian / Armenian) or a personality trait (i.e. I’m funny / I’m an INFJ / dedicated, etc).
2. So, who ARE you now?
If you found yourself at a loss of words, you’re not alone. Either A) You think I’m weird and you stopped reading this post, B) had a realization you’ve had many times before, or C) had a realization that you’ve never had before. The realization may come in the forms of many thoughts:
…”Holy sh*t. I have no idea who I am”
…”Whoa”
…”I know I’m not TRULY my identities and my traits, but if I’m not those things, who am I?”
…”What is a ‘self’?”
…”Do I even exist?”
…”Are we real?”
3. Identify the last thought you had. Now consider, where did the thought come from? Who thought that thought?
Whoa. Right?
If you haven’t already guessed, all of these questions were meant to bring to your awareness the fact that you are NOT just your thoughts, identities, personality characteristics, etc. These things are real, but they are not REALLY real.
The “self” is a psychological structure meant to keep us alive. It’s great for survival, but not so good for living a life that is satisfying and meaningful.
When teaching on this topic, I like to bring up the imagery of a leaf growing in between cracks in cement. Our ego is like that. It will do just about anything to grow, to live. I mean, it can push through CONCRETE. Damn.
Most of us spend most of the time pushing through imaginary concrete - working toward a better future, worried about what might go wrong, and trying to prove ourselves to ourselves and others. Although the “self” is necessary for being a functioning member of society, being TOO identified with oneself and having NO rest from your self is one of the three main reasons for human dissatisfaction.
There’s good news though. YOU ARE NOT DOOMED to live an unfulfilling life because you have this highly motivated and ingrained part of yourself that wants to stay alive.
If you’re reading this, you have probably ALREADY had moments where a different part of you was in charge, one that doesn’t need or want to strive to get through the cement. One that is content just as it is. And you want more of that.
4. Last question. Recall an exhilarating experience that you’ve had in your life. A time when you felt a natural high. A moment of complete presence, confidence, and openness.
Here are some of mine:
Collecting sea glass on a beach in Long Island with my family
Performing onstage in High School Musical on Broadway as an extra
My first time practicing Viniyoga (a type of yoga) during my 200 hour yoga teacher training in Asheville
Climbing Mount Saint Helens in Washington after a breakup
Creating my first online course training yoga and exercise instructors that worked for University of Michigan
Riding in a helicopter above glaciers in New Zealand
Odds are, during your moments of “flow”, you were not attached to your identities, you were not fixated on your (or any) problems, you transcended what Western psychology calls the “ego”. And it felt pretty damn good.
Let’s get you some more of that. Put your email in below to access my free guide “How to Disidentify With The Soul-Sucking Ego”.
And, just like learning to ride a bike or play the piano, learning to cultivate flow and the coveted mind states of connection, presence, and self-transcendence, it takes practice. I’d love to be your teacher.
Click here to schedule a free, no-strings attached meet-and-greet call where I get to know you (and your ego ;) and share more about my program to see if it’s something you’d be interested in.